Take Heart

Learning to Rest when you are Restless with Amy J. Brown

• Amy J Brown, Carrie Holt and Sara Clime • Season 3 • Episode 105

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This month’s topic is rest. When we started discussing this as a theme, Amy told Sara and Carrie, that she didn't have much to say about the rest. After some thought and consideration, she realized this is an area of her life that she doesn’t practice very well. In this episode, Amy shares a few lessons she has learned and some areas of practice she is working on, as she practices better rest. Whether you feel weary or fully rested, this episode will help you to create a rhythm of rest that is tangible for you and your life. 

November 1, 2022; Ep. 105

Show Links:

Show Takeaways: 

  • [1:02] A recent story from Amy’s life about rest
  • [4:47] Ways we ignore our need for rest
  • [5:56] Understanding limits 
  • [7:39] Helpful practices for a rhythm of rest

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Amy J. Brown  0:09 
Welcome to Take Heart where our goal is to offer encouragement, give hope and insight so you can flourish in your journey as a special needs mom. Each month we explore monthly themes, we share inspiring stories and practical tips, and our desire is for you to feel connected and encouraged. All of our resources, including an entire written transcript of this episode, is available on our website www.takeheartspecialmoms.com. There are also links to anything we mention in the show notes of this episode, thank you for joining us today.

[1:03] This month, we're talking about rest. When we started to talk about this topic, I told Sara and Carrie, my cohorts, that I didn't have much to say about it. I want to start today with a disclosure. This is an area of my life that I don't practice very well. Here we are on a journey together, and I'm going to share with you a few lessons I've learned and some practices I'm working on as I try to get better at rest. Now we know rest is important. A quick search on the internet will tell us all the benefits of rest and all the consequences if we don't rest. I'm going to start with a story of my real life recently. Last June, I had an opportunity to take a month of rest. I had a break from my graduate school degree, our book transcript was in, and most importantly, for the first time in 29 years, I had an opportunity to be an empty nester for a short period of time. Not only did my life circumstances line up, so I could take this break, but I felt God was calling me to it. I truly longed for respite and renewal. It had been another heavy year. Actually, the heavy years have been piling on for quite some time. I was dealing with a child with mental illness and suicidal ideation, and I was exhausted. Every part of me was looking forward to this rest. I made my plans and set the stage for what was supposed to be a month for me to recharge. But guess what? Even with my schedule cleared, my body would not rest. I just couldn't do it. I wanted this so desperately. But it seemed like there was a huge mountain between me and this desire dressed. The first few days, I was so tired, but I was also restless. I really wanted to take a nap, but I did not. I just kept milling about and finding things to keep me busy. Now, if you're listening right now, you have a bunch of little kids at your feet, and a million things to do; you may be thinking, Amy, get over yourself. If I had a month the rest, I do it. Well, I thought that too. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. Why can't I take a nap? I talked to my therapist, and after some soul-searching, I learned something: my brain and my heart knew I needed rest,  but my body did not get the message. After 29 years of parenting and 19 years as a special needs parent, my body was trained to always be on high alert. My body was doing what I had conditioned it to do, so I did not know how to relax, be at ease, or stand down. During that time, I took some assessments to assess my level of stress. I have to admit, I was shocked when I saw the scores. My body's stress levels were dangerously high. The reason this was a surprise to me is because I eat well, and I exercise, and I drink lots of water, and I get regular checkups. But despite all these healthy habits, I have learned to ignore my body's need for rest.

[3:48] Can you relate? Are you exhausted? I'm going to guess that the answer to that question is yes, a very weary Yes. Most special needs moms I talk to are exhausted. Sometimes we are tired because we're up all night with an emergency. Maybe you're like me and have children with behavioral issues and attachment disorder. The unpredictability of their explosive tantrums and behavior never allows you to take a break because you never know when the next one is going to come. For most of us, I think our growing fatigue is like a slow leak. Our bodies and souls slowly wear down. It's like a constant drip, drip, drip of discouragement, work, endless task, jumping from one thing to the next. What do we do when we're tired? Honestly, most of us run faster. Try to fix the problems, and make more plans. Whatever our circumstances are as special needs parents, most of us finally get the opportunity to rest we just can't.

[4:47] Here are some things I'm learning. I'm learning how to recognize the signs that I need rest. Our body gives us signals, and these signals are more than just yawning and feeling tired. I'm not great at recognizing these signals. Is this you? Have you ignored your body for so long that you do not ever realize the signs of exhaustion?  Now rest is more than a good night's sleep; although that is important, we also need mental rest and emotional rest in addition to body rest. Here are some ways you may be ignoring your body. Maybe you're up late, or continually advocating, researching treatments and over-functioning to stay ahead of the next emergency, skipping meals, or standing to eat your meals? Have you ever considered eating the crust of your child's grilled cheese enough for lunch? (I know I have, on many occasions). Eating on the run, or not taking time to shower or watching three hours of Netflix after the kids go to bed, or brain fog, overeating overthinking over anything, neck, jaw, or back tension? Are you overly emotional? Does any of this sound like you? I know it's me. Even with a full month of rest, I could not stop over-functioning.

[5:56] Our first step is to pay attention to these symptoms in our bodies. The other thing I'm learning is that I have limits, and they are a gift from God. In his book, Emotionally Healthy Discipleship. author Peter Scazerro writes about the theology of limits. He says, "A core mark of emotionally healthy discipleship is a deep theological and practical understanding of limits. Without that, we severely compromise our ability to love God, ourselves, and others over the long haul." I'm going to be honest and say this is something I never really thought about. I never thought that limits are a good gift from God and that I can serve God and my family and myself by honoring these limits instead of ignoring them. Honestly, my unwillingness to embrace my own limits led me down paths God never intended for me, like saying yes, when I did not have the margin, or not sleeping or taking care of myself, overspending, overthinking, or falling into anxiety and fear over the future. All because I did not appreciate my limits. Can you relate? The most important thing we have to offer our families in the world is a healthy and well-rested self. If we are ignoring our limits, we are not getting the rest we need. 

[5;56] Here are some practices I am taking baby steps to try. The first one is: notice. Know when you're at your capacity, and this requires paying attention to your body. I am learning to ask what does my body need. Sometimes it's a glass of water or to lie down for 10 minutes. It does not help to come up with a grand plan or try to fix it if you're not noticing what your body needs. Remember, it is more than just getting a solid eight hours of sleep. There are all kinds of ways we are not resting. Start small, take a deep breath and ask what does my body need? These can be small pitstops throughout your day. The second practice, care for yourself with a posture of kindness. Maybe you think it's selfish to rest, but let me tell you right now it's not. How we take care of ourselves is a spiritual matter. We are made in the image and likeness of God. How are you showing kindness to yourself? Or, to put it this way, how are you being selfish and unhealthy with your body? It can look like overeating, overworking or overthinking, and not resting. Finally, this is another practice. Remember who restores your soul. I've often said I need to work really hard to get rest forgetting to invite God into the process. I have to remind myself that He restores my soul, not me. The Psalm says it in Psalms 23. He restores our souls. God restores in his way and in his time, and it's not up to us. Yes, we have to have practices in place, like noticing, kindness, and going to bed on time, and prayer and quiet. But ultimately, we need to let God lead us. We need to surrender and ask him to help us. Do you know what this also includes? Releasing the reins of our kids' lives and the issues we're trying to control. It includes learning to be present with God and recover and rest even in the midst of what is unresolved.

[7:08] In the story of the Exodus, God says to the Israelites in Exodus 14:14, "the Lord will fight for you. You only have to keep still." How can you be still and invite God into this process as you remember that it is he who restores your soul? These are the things I'm learning: to notice and ask what my body needs, to be kind to myself, and to ask God to restore me. If you're listening right now and rest may still seem like an impossible dream. You may be wondering, that sounds really nice, but how can I rest, and who's going to do all the things I do? Can I encourage you to take one small step at a time? What if the beginning of rest was this? Remembering our need for grace, acknowledging that Jesus holds it all, and then he invites us to walk with him. My prayer for you, friend, is that you will learn to rest in Him.