Take Heart

How To Build a Thriving Marriage in Disability Parenting: An Interview with Kristin Faith Evans & Todd Evans

• Amy J Brown, Carrie Holt and Sara Clime • Season 4 • Episode 166

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Carrie sat down with Kristin and Todd Evans to discuss their newly released book, How to Build a Thriving Marriage As You Care for Children with Disabilities. They talk about communication strategies for couples, how they manage stress, and the ongoing grief we experience as special needs parents. This episode offers practical advice and emotional support for couples facing similar challenges. 

Ep. 166; May 21, 2024
Key Moments:
[4:49] Lots of shame that we can feel as parents
[11:14] Marriage struggles: we had hurt each other a lot
[16:19] Deliberate moments and mindfulness relieve stress and bond each other together
[24:08] Ignoring our emotions led to unhealthy coping strategies
[34:42] Family/Friends offer helpful, specific things they can do

Resources:
How To Build a Thriving Marriage As You Care For Children With DisabilitiesKristin & Todd’s Website
Kristin & Todd’s Previous Interview on Take Heart

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Carrie M Holt: Today, I have guests: Kristin Faith Evans and Todd Evans. They are authors of a brand new book that just released a week ago entitled, How to Build a Thriving Marriage as You Care for Children with Disabilities. I have to say it is an excellent resource. You're gonna wanna grab a copy. Both of these authors are award-winning authors, speakers, and disability parents. They earned their MA in Christian Educational Ministries at Wheaton College, Illinois, and have served together in full-time ministry in church, camp, and retreat settings. Todd also received his PhD from Vanderbilt University School of Engineering and currently manages his own business. Kristin earned her master's in social work from the University of Tennessee and is a licensed master social worker experienced in couples, children and families, substance abuse, and crisis counseling. I'm so excited for you to hear the conversation today about how to build a thriving marriage when you raise children with disabilities.

Welcome, Kristin and Todd, to Take Heart; we're so glad you're back on the podcast. Tell us the name of your book. I think it's interesting that you love to be outside, Todd, and then you, both of you, use this metaphor of the wilderness journey. Tell me how that came about and why that's fitting for being parents to children with disabilities. 


Kristin Fatih Evans: It's called How to Build a Thriving Marriage as You Care for Children with Disabilities. The theme came about from our internship in our first graduate program. It was a 14-day wilderness backpacking trip that really tested our marriage. 


Todd Evans: Well, it tested our physical aspects as well. 


Kristin: It tested everything: mental health, etc.

Carrie: How long had you been married at this point? 


Krisitn: Over two years. Almost two years. Okay. So early on. It was good that we had been married that long. 

Todd: There was a lot of prep work that went into it. We had to learn how to pack our bags, what kind of special equipment we had to take with us, how to be out in nature that long and do different things. We had to train and really work on our physical fitness, and every aspect of life of how to make it out in the wilderness. We'd done hiking before and enjoyed that, but this was just a new level for us. When we started thinking about what was our marriage like, we went back to that story and that time in our life, and we're like, that's really what it's like. For normal marriages, it’s kind of like going out for a weekend hike or going out to the park or something oftentimes, but trying to raise these kids with disabilities requires a whole different set of skills that you need to learn and to have. We thought, you know what, let's make a book that's kind of like that survival guide. It was our foundational thinking and something that, you're out in the wilderness, and you say, okay, when I need to make a tent, how do I do that? You would look up in a book how to do it. That's kind of what we thought about marriage; I need to communicate better with my partner. How do I do that? I need to do this specific skill, I need to grieve or these kinds of things. We try to really break it up like a survival manual for your marriage, where you can just jump in and look up a skill and kind of get quick survival tips on what to do and how to improve it and do that. We thought that's where we were in our marriage for so long: We didn't have time to look at the totality of it. But if we can focus on one little skill, that can make a difference that week. Then they build on each other, and it could really make a difference over time.


Carrie: Yeah, and I think it's so fitting. One of the things that I noticed reading the book is it's very practical, and there are so many great tools in it that you can pick up and open to a chapter and say, okay, I'm really struggling with communication in my marriage, how do I do that? We're under a lot of stress. How do we deal with stress together? I am so excited for this book to be out in the world. I don't feel like there are really good practical manuals, but I also love how you both weave a little bit of your story and your struggles in there. I think it makes it really personal. Was that hard to tell your story? 


Kristin: We want to help other couples not struggle like we did. I think it was hard. Yes, it's all out there in terms of our marriage struggles my mental health struggles. I think other special needs parents need to hear that because we live under a lot of isolation and guilt and shame with the thoughts we have, with grieving, with at least one in three special needs parents struggling with mental health. I think parents need to hear what you're going through is normal. We balanced, yes, this is gonna be hard for us to put that out in the world. At the same time, we can help another couple find freedom in their marriage: emotionally, mentally, and spiritually because there are a lot of spiritual struggles we go through as special needs parents that can help us feel shame and guilt. 


Todd: We felt like, at this time, we had each other at different points to bounce off of and share with. Even between us in a married setting, there were these things deep down inside we were ashamed of and things like: Do we kind of wish maybe our daughter didn't survive, wrestling with that question. We couldn't even say that to our partner for the longest time. Then, we were able to share with each other. We were able to talk through it and come closer together. We really felt let's be vulnerable, share with couples some of our deepest things because they're probably struggling with some of them too. It's hard to say them out loud, but unless you do, you can't really deal with them in a healthy way and build upon them and grow. We just thought that was just so important for this book and for couples out there was to have that freedom to know you're not alone. These feelings aren't just you; they're not terrible to have. We all go through them, and it's okay. It's how you deal with them that determines your future. 


Carrie: Yeah, it's interesting that you say that because spouses can be in a different spot in their grieving journey, in processing that too. It's so important because, as spouses, if we're not communicating with each other and we feel really alone, that’s hard. There are a lot of couples out there who need to know again that they're not alone and that this is normal to have these thoughts and feelings when you're going through this process. In chapter one, you talk about the greater strain on the marriage of caregivers. Honestly, like when I was reading that piece of it, it was very affirming and a little bit validating because a lot of times, you will hear people say, “Well, I have hard things too. I don't want to be called a hero as a special needs parent. I don't want to be made into somebody that's bigger than we are.” I totally get that because that’s a lot of pressure. If you have the label of hero, or you label your child as a hero, that's a lot of pressure you'll have to live up to. However, I think this was very affirming. Talk about why it is the case that there is a greater strain on marriages of children who are raising kids with disabilities and how that strain is an opportunity for deeper intimacy in marriage. 


Kristin: It's like we have quadruple whammies against us as special needs parents. Not only do we have this child who has either behavioral or medical needs, but you've got less time because you're at doctor's appointments and therapy appointments and caregiving. You've got more financial strain. On top of that, probably a parent has had to stop working a lot of times to be the primary caregiver. You've got higher levels of stress, which keeps our bodies in chronic stress response, which does a whole lot of things to impact a marriage emotionally and physically. 



You've got more challenging parenting, especially with behaviors and trying to make decisions on care needs, which the parenting stress greatly spills over and impacts the marriage. Then you've got a lot more to talk about. Our conversations in marriage are very different because we have to triage. OK, I think Bethany Grace needs to go to the ER. How are we going to do this with picking up our other child, and you have to work? I think Bethany Grace needs to go back for a PT eval, and we need to talk about that because that's time commitment and money. By the time we get through talking about who has this therapy today and how are we taking her to this appointment, there's no time left to have those more intimate and deeper conversations. We have all these extra stressors on our marriage that families typically don't have, even with children. 


Todd: Then on top of that, you know, you look at the other aspects of life that normally are part of how you deal with all that, the emotional side of things. There's oftentimes not a chance to talk about them. The social support system: you don't have time to build one and have those outlets of friends oftentimes, and your friends have kind of faded away usually because you're so focused on your family at this point. Then you've got the whole spiritual side that oftentimes that's where you draw strength from. Oftentimes, there are these questions: Is God good? How can this happen? This frustration and lostness that can be there spiritually, too. All these supports that most people find in life around them are dwindling and almost not existent sometimes.


Carrie: It creates so much stress.


Kristin: Not to mention, on the marriage, you can't get out for a date night or maybe even 10 minutes alone at home without a baby monitor or a nurse in the house. So one of the greatest things you need to build a marriage it may feel impossible. 


Carrie: Definitely. There's like those levels of communication where you have the shallows, and you try to get deeper. There's no time to live below the shallows of conversation and sharing. I know in chapter two, Kristin, you shared a story of how, after you had your two children, somebody came to watch the kids. You had a date night, and you had this honest admission with one other. Can you relate that story a little bit and share how did that help you reorient your marriage and why is that so essential? 


Kristin: That was definitely a turning point in our marriage because we had hurt each other a lot. We had disconnected emotionally. We had not been able to be there for one another. We had said some things and done some things that were very hurtful. We didn't even want to go out that night and be together. In fact, I think Todd was like, where do you want me to drop you off? 


It was kind of this indecision—we didn't really feel like doing anything—but this doctor came over to take care of Beth so we could get out of the house. Todd just drove, and we ended up at a nearby lake. What struck me about what Todd said was that regardless of where we're at and all we've done, he's still committed to us. He said, “I'm not giving up on us; I'm never leaving you.” To me that was him recommitting to our wedding vows with a whole new meaning to our wedding vows. You don't imagine staying in the hospital with our daughter all the time and almost financial ruin and bankruptcy to basically not having any time as a couple. He was basically recommitting, and that helped. Looking back, we feel like that was the first step to reorienting our marriage was going back to our wedding vows. Now, knowing what for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, really could mean. Because if we had not done that, we could not have moved forward together. 


Todd: It kind of came to a point of desperation, almost. Nothing else in life is working. Things are not going as we planned. I'm going to give up on all those aspects and go back to our foundational point and say, “I love you. I don't know how this is going to work, but I'm committed to trying something. We've got to change some things.” That was all behind the scenes (not what I said that night), but that was kind of what was boiling in my head and my thoughts. I don't know what it's going to take, but I'm committed to whatever it is. I know something's got to change, and I hope we can do it together. I'm committed to that.


Carrie: I think that's such a beautiful picture of what Christ does for us. When we struggle in our faith and things like that, Christ says, no, I'm committed to you. I think that's beautiful. We've been talking a lot about this stress and how it takes a major toll on our marriage and the point sometimes that it drives us to, but what are some concrete ways that couples can manage stress together?


Kristin: I think it's really important to look at it from two sides. If one partner is not healthy mentally, emotionally, or physically, that greatly impacts the marriage. At the same time as de-stressing together, we also have to manage our stress as much as possible on a daily basis individually. That also looks like supporting one another. About eight or nine years ago, Todd signed up for a half Ironman. I thought he was a little crazy, but then he inspired me, and we both started really putting an emphasis on getting healthy mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. We begin to support one another in that. That's a huge piece. “Todd, I know we have all this going on. I'm trying to cook dinner, but go run.” Then, we should try to manage our stress individually throughout the day. I do a lot of deep breathing. I try to do mindfulness exercises and do things to help lower my stress. Todd does that as well. But it is very important to come together and de-stress together as well. Ideally, getting out of the house together is one of the biggest ways to do that. 
I want to encourage listeners, if they feel like that's impossible: keep trying to find a way because that is crucial for the health of your marriage. We get out and walk together and take hot showers. I love it when Todd gives me a foot massage because that actually really does de-stress your body. We do deep breathing, we hug, and we do deep breathing, which is actually pretty phenomenal for lowering stress. What ideas, Todd, would you add? 


Todd: There's a lot of short things, too. Some of those are more involved time-wise than you mentioned, but the little times of deliberately stopping to give a hug or have a quick kiss make a big difference in the day. To take a minute and send a text message. Knowing that your spouse is out there caring for you and thinking about you at that moment can be very affirming and de-stressing for you. We try to really engage in the present more often, not think about those things that are way ahead and coming up for us and what's gonna be happening. I used to make my coffee in the mornings and stir in my creamer. I would just slowly stir, watch it, swirl around, and make this beautiful pattern, breathing the essence of it. This is a 20-second thing, but it would calm me down relieve a level of stress. Find little ways to be in the present moment, enjoy what is there, and be aware of what's around you. It really does a lot to kind of re-center you and take you out of those stressful moments, tore-engage you into a different trajectory for the day. 


Carrie: There are studies that say when you're in trauma and high stress, the grounding helps. Feeling your feet and looking at the creamer moving is so good for us. I love how both of you gave ideas of things that you can do right now. It doesn't take a babysitter or a nurse. You can spend a couple of minutes being present in the moment. I think that's really great. I know we talked a little bit about communication and those levels of communication. What are some strategies that couples can implement to keep communication open and healthy and not blame one another or fire shots at each other, which is easy to do when we're stressed and angry, and all the things are happening at one time? It's just easy to blame your spouse because they are the closest person around for what's happening. 


Todd: I think one of the biggest things is providing a consistent, regular time that you can communicate, not just when it's stressful, not just when other things are happening. We really recommend having a daily check-in, which is a specific time of day that you check in with each other - not about what has to be done, not about tasks, but to say, “Hey, how are you?” If you know something that's going on with your spouse with work or with personal life or something they're doing to ask specifically about that and, so it can be five minutes, ten minutes. It can be a phone call time. I have some free time around lunchtime. Let's just say 12:30 every day Let's just check in. In the evening, that's probably when we check in the most, and our most regular time. 

We get the kids taken care of and then have a couple of minutes to go back and ask: how are things going? How did your day go? Anything that came up that was stressful for you? What's going on in your life? I think building a regular time where you check in with each other helps you engage in those deeper levels of communication; it opens the doors for when there are more stressful times of communication that you're able to connect and practice. It can be much more effective and open and not elevate the stress levels and the frustration levels with each other at those times. That's one of the big things we'd recommend. 


Carrie: That's really good. I think in all of these things, I think I heard an analogy one time where in relationships, it's almost like you each have a ball of yarn. You're throwing the yarn back and forth. The more you do that and make those connections; you're building all of these threads together, whether it's exercising together, ways to distress together and coping, and communicating together. It's a lot harder to break those bonds when there are continual connections being tossed back and forth to one another. 


One of the things that you talk about in chapter seven is how caregiving parents are often living in loss. Can you just talk a little bit about what that is? What does that mean when you have a child with a disability? What does it mean for your marriage? 


Kristin: We did not understand this, and it was actually in researching for the book we were like, oh, that's what was going on. That was one of the biggest wedges in our marriage. We think it's really important for other special needs parents and couples to understand this. We thought we would grieve the initial diagnosis when we found out when I was 27 weeks pregnant. We were devastated together; we kind of grieved together. In Todd's mind, it's time to move on from grief. But in my perspective (I did not understand what was going on), I couldn't get over the grief. Now I understand what was happening; special needs parents experience what is called chronic sorrow and chronic grief, which is different from what we think about with the five stages of grief, the classic five stages. We live in this “living loss” that is re-triggered throughout our children's lives and will be re-triggered throughout our children's lives. Spouses can experience this differently. Todd,, in his mind, kind of shut it off (this is how he would describe it); he's moving on. Well, that wasn't my experience. Every little developmental milestone or a heart appointment would retrigger my grief. This still happens to us. It's really important for special needs parents to understand that's normal. I think a lot of us feel guilty for grieving. Well, I should be thankful because my child's alive. Well, it's still hard when you go to their school, they're in eighth grade, and your daughter is like a three-year-old. It's a sting every time. This is a really important concept to know that we will move in and out of these states. Each time there's a new diagnosis or anger, guilt, and all these different sadness, all these different emotions. 

Carrie: One of the things that you referenced about anger. Anger usually has an underlying reason to it. Can you talk a little bit about that?


Kristin: I can think back to where I was. I was angry at my friends that I wasn't really friends with anymore because their children were typical and healthy. Actually, one of my friends, and we had the same due date. Of course, her baby was born healthy and on the delivery date. I would notice this anger boiling up at her. Finally, through therapy realized that was because of my grief. I was angry at her for what she had because I was feeling this sense of loss and kind of bitterness and resentment. It can be any underlying emotion. It could be embarrassment. Todd acted like it was so easy to robotically do Beth’s bolus and medicines. I could not work myself up emotionally, and that was embarrassment because I felt like there was something wrong with me. Anger is called a secondary emotion. There is an underlying primary emotion. 


Carrie: That's really good. Todd, do you have anything to add about the chronic loss and how different spouses deal with that in marriage? 


Todd: Well, from my perspective and many male perspectives, emotions - we tend to put those aside, which, I thought, was fine for the first couple of years. It’s all of the emergency situations. You have to take care of the daughter all the time, take care of life, take care of finances. I'll deal with emotions one day and kind of let it build on the side. Of course, as you can imagine, that's not healthy. It's hard to see that in the moment because you feel like you're doing what you have to for your family. That was kind of the point where we came to what we mentioned earlier - this is no longer working. We cannot continue like this. As we've been reading about of living in loss and chronic sorrow aspects in our research, we realized that there were some points in our life where we started realizing, yes, those things are happening. We can grieve again. We can share with each other. We can be okay with those kinds of things. We drive by the soccer fields and see all the parents out there, all the families, and we think, nope, that's not us. It's okay to feel that sometimes. That's part of life and it's no shame or embarrassment for that. Dealing with that for me is more thinking on the positive things we do have, not dwelling on them - being okay to say them and get them out in the open; tell my spouse about them, but not to dwell on them. For me, it's focusing on something positive, something amazing about my daughter that I wouldn't know otherwise. That helps me to kind of get through those moments and to do it in a healthy way, not just ignore it. 


Carrie: Kristin, you brought up a good point earlier. Just a lot of this is expectation. You think you're going to have that chronic grief over the diagnosis. I also had an in-utero diagnosis also. But then I think Toby was five when I was like, wait a second, this is an ongoing part of this journey that will last forever. I think understanding that and then also the skills, and the tips and the practical things that you guys give in the book about how to deal with that are really good. Let's talk about finding that supportive, empathetic community. Kristin, you alluded to it earlier with your friend, who was due the same day. Along the way, we lose friends. Can you share how you've been able to finding the support that you need? We all need it. We can't do this alone. What benefits are there to finding that support? 


Kristin: It can be challenging, take a lot of energy and take time.


Carrie: that we don't have. 


Kristin: Exactly, we don't have the emotional energy. We don't have the time. We've probably been rejected and hurt because we feel like people don't understand. We have tried to cultivate and keep some relationships that we had. There were a couple of friends who just never gave up on this and never left. Actually, they were the ones who had children, and they had gone through a lot of really hard times with their children who had diagnoses. We still have those friends. It's been a slow process of trying to find community. Finding a church can be very difficult. Finding a church that has a support group for caregivers can be difficult. Keep trying. Whether it's you start out online trying to find that support. You look and see, is there a caregiver support group in my area? One of the biggest ways we've actually made connections with other parents is sitting on the sidelines at Special Olympics. A lot of times, we're just there. It might actually be a moment that, I see other moms on their phones because it's a moment they have to themselves. A lot of times people are scared to be vulnerable and kind of speak to one another. At therapies, Special Olympics, and anything like that, trying to make those connections with other parents is so, so important. 


Todd: I think it's a real struggle. It's something we still struggle with. Growing up, I would see my parents have friends over at least once a week, sometimes two or three times a week, and have a great time. Sometimes I long for that in our lives that we have. What we found for us is that friendships don't look the same. There's not the time to invest. You don't talk to them daily, weekly even sometimes. The moments you have together are shorter, so how do you cultivate those moments and connect? Whether it's the kind of monthly support group where we go to and meet with other parents and talk with them. We all have this shared history. We meet once a month, and that's it. It's not daily support, but you come in and connect on a deeper level because you've been through some of the same things you can jump in. With other friends, we've got some friends we see once or twice a year. We occasionally talk to them, but really it's those moments that we have, and we've tried to set aside a little bit of time to spend with them. That's been very, very valuable for those times. Like I said, it's not a weekly thing, it's not a monthly thing even, but knowing that they know us, we know them, and when we do meet, we can talk and catch up and support and things like that. In the friendship realm and things like that, that's a lot tougher and all. I also think for us our biggest support on an ongoing basis is our family, and we've been blessed that we have that. It's hard if you don't have family that is supportive or doesn't understand your situation sometimes. That can be very challenging. That's also one of your biggest sources of strength. We encourage people to work on those family relationships. Sit down and explain why behind things. Your parents' parenting style may not work with your autistic child. They just don't work. Your parent may not understand, but if you sit down and kind of educate them and share with them. We found that they do care, and if you take the time, they will try to understand and work with it. It's a lot of education of family members and directly saying, “this is what we need. Can you help us in this way?” Oftentimes because of those bonds and those relationships, they're willing to do those, and they just don't know how to jump in and how to be help, how to be supportive of you. You giving them some directions and helping; it's not being bossy, it's giving them the opportunity to share the love that they really want. Build those family relationships and really work on being direct and not afraid to say some of those harder things. Even when it's, “Mom, this really doesn't work with our family, and here's why. Can we try to do it this way?” We found that our family's been very supportive of that when we share, and I think it can be a great way to build that support around you that really can come in and meet your needs and help you. 


Carrie: One of the things I'm hearing both of you say is we do have to keep trying, even sometimes when it doesn't work with family or doesn't work with certain friends. That can be hard when we don't have a lot of energy, or we're emotionally exhausted. I was sharing our story with someone the other day. She looked at me, and she said, breathe. You are not breathing. I realized I was getting lightheaded as I was talking. It was with a therapist. I think, too, it's also finding those people who, as you said, are willing to reach out and care. Not everyone deserves to hear our whole story because it does take a lot of emotional energy. But we do have to keep trying. I think also praying that God will bring those right people around us for support. I know we have listeners who are those family members, who are those friends who want to support families like ours who are raising kids with disabilities. Do you have anything specific or any other advice that you would give them about how they can support families like ours? 


Kristin: We tend to say anything you do, and within the realm of it being appropriate and helpful, is going to mean so much to special needs parents in a couple. Ask a specific way because special needs parents will say, “Oh, no, no.” Especially if it's this nebulous, we have to come up with a specific way that somebody can help us. We don't have the mental energy to do that. If you offer a very specific way, can I bring you a meal? Can I bring you groceries? 

That actually takes off some stress from the marriage. Can I bring you a meal and sit with your child so the two of you can sit on the porch and eat? I mean, something that seems so small and simple can make a significant difference. The biggest thing we need as couples is someone to help care for our child, so we can get out of the house. But that might take commitment. That might take coming three times to learn how to care for our child to the point we feel like you know how to handle it. It's going to be a good experience for our child. That kind of level can be hard, but there are different levels of support. Even just giving a couple a gift card to a restaurant or for a massage. Those are huge. The emotional support of we care. How are you doing? Can I bring you coffee? 


Todd: I think that sums it up pretty well. Just be very specific. Anything helps. We're dealing with all these stresses that we just talked about that you're trying to hold in balance, and it becomes unbearable sometimes. But if you take just a little bit of that weight off from us, that means so much: a little gift card to the coffee shop even. If you give us money, we're gonna give it and put it into our kids. Make it something that we have to go out and spend on ourselves because we're sacrificial, and we want the best for our kids and are often gonna give things and time and energy, money, everything to them. If it was something specific, as I said, a restaurant encourages them to take some time for themselves that they can appreciate and enjoy that they would not otherwise probably do themselves. 


Carrie: I think it's really important to I know, you know, you mentioned Bethany Grace is 14, our son is 17. It doesn't get easier necessarily as the time goes on. Just because a couple looks like they're doing okay, and they've been doing it for a really long time, doesn't mean that they're still not struggling or they still don't need support. Twenty, twenty-five years down the road, a lot of times, that's when, in our case, our older sons are leaving home, and all of a sudden, we're looking at each other, realizing we don't have a driver in the house anymore. How do we get Toby places if he and I want to be gone? I think a lot of times, people do assume that. As time goes on, oh, you’ve got this, right? You've gotten used to this. It's a new normal. I think it's really important not to assume that we don’t need the support, even when we're 15, 18, 20 years into this journey. Let us know how our audience can connect with you both, and also purchase a copy of your book: How to Build a Thriving Marriage As You Care For Children With Disabilities? I am so excited about your book. I was thrilled to get an early-release copy of it. I've just been going through it and the practicality of it. It's not just this nebulous idea. You just give step by step things that are super practical, which leads me to believe that you guys have lived this hard life. Who better to speak in to that? Tell us how our listeners can find you and how they can grab a copy of your book.? 


Kristin: We're at www.disabilityparenting.com. We have lots of free resources you can download and lots of links to resources across the country. Our book is on pretty much every major retailer. You can get it at Amazon, Target, Walmart, Barnes and Noble; Baker Books has it. We would love to hear after you read it. We would love to hear some feedback if there's anything that's not in the book we didn't answer. We would love to get your questions and connections 


Todd: Or ways that you found to deal with some of the same situations. The other thing we'd say to the audience out there that doesn't necessarily have children with disabilities is: do you know someone that does you know? We ask this everywhere we go, and almost everybody knows some family that is struggling and has a child with disabilities. This is one of those; grab a book for that family, grab a couple of books, send them out, and help people and bless them with this resource because that's one of the ways when people ask how they can help. We don't have time to go find a book. We don't have time to look for these things. If you send it to us, then there's a good chance that we'll take a look at it. Bless somebody else's life and get one for them too.