Take Heart

Show up and Bring Coffee! How to Support Your Friends With Disabled Children with Megan Amrich

• Amy J Brown, Carrie Holt and Sara Clime • Season 5 • Episode 170

Share episode



In this episode, Amy Brown interviews Megan Amrich, author of the book 'Show Up and Bring Coffee: How to Support Your Friends with Disabled Children.' They discuss practical ways to support parents of children with disabilities, including being knowledgeable but not a know-it-all, being an extra set of hands, and making events and celebrations accessible. Megan emphasizes the importance of asking your friends what they need and being open to learning about their child's diagnosis. She also encourages friends to share their big news with sensitivity and understanding.


  • Be knowledgeable, but not a know-it-all, about your friend's child's disability
  • Offer to be an extra set of hands and help with specific tasks, such as feeding tubes
  • Make events and celebrations accessible by asking your friends what they need and providing accommodations
  • Share your big news with sensitivity and understanding, recognizing that your friend may be processing their grief

 Introduction and Welcome

02:51 The Importance of Practical Support

06:15 Trusting Your Friend's Knowledge

10:35 Being an Extra Set of Hands

17:19 Finding the One Thing That Would Benefit Your Friend

20:41 Small Acts of Help Can Make a Big Difference

25:18 Making Events and Celebrations Accessible

36:14 Sharing Big News with Sensitivity

41:33 Conclusion and Where to Find Megan

Megan’s Website 

Rad Advocates

Megan’s IG


If you enjoyed the show:







Support the show

Amy J Brown :
And I think we miss a lot of opportunities for small help. And I love your suggestion what is the one thing? Because we know going to CVS is not just bopping out to CVS. Yeah. If they get in the car, it's a whole thing. And so sometimes we look at something small and go, well, that's not going to make a difference in my overwhelming life, but it will because that's one less thing you have to do.


 Welcome to Take Heart, a podcast about creating space for connection, hope, and joy as a mom to a child with disabilities or special needs. We want you to feel connected and encouraged as we navigate this messy, emotional, and joy-filled life together.


 Hi, I'm Amy Brown and you're listening to episode 170. I'm very excited today. We are talking to author, Megan Amrich. Megan is the author of the book, Show Up and Bring Coffee, How to Support Your Friends with Disabled Children. She encourages deep conversations about parenting, friendship, disability, and inclusion at our website, Joyful, Brave, and Awesome.


She does this through a well-caffeinated blend of honesty, humor, and pulp culture references. She's a graduate of Providence College and Duquesne University and lives with her husband, son, and a dog in Massachusetts. Megan, thank you so much for being with us today. thank you. Thank you for having me. I appreciate it. Well, I want to start with a little bit about who you are, your family, a little bit of your disability journey, if you want to tell our listeners that.


Megan: Sure. So hi, I'm Megan. My husband and I have a seven-year-old son, JB when he was a few months old, we realized that something was not necessarily, he wasn't developing as normal or as expected. He was our first and he's our only child. So first-time parents weren't sure what to expect, what was usual or not normal, but you know what I mean. Normal or not. And we discovered he has a rare genetic syndrome. It's a bunch of letters and numbers. We don't share a specific name. But so he has a rare genetic syndrome and he what it means is he has hypotonia, so low muscle tone. He uses a feeding tube to get his nutrition.

And he uses an AAC device to communicate. And like I said today, he's a seven-year-old boy who loves baseball and Taylor Swift and his dog and you know, like every other seven-year-old boy.

Amy:  So you got that trial by fire. I love your book. It's a great resource. It's for those who want to help disability parents. And what I like that you do is you're very practical. It's funny, but you like to have funny stories, but also it's very practical. Like here is what you can say and here is what you can do. So you can't mess it up. It's right there in the book. Like, and I think honestly, that gives a lot of people some freedom now because I think people don't know what to say or what to do. 


Megan: Like when writing this book I based a lot of it on things that people have said or ways they've shown they've cared since, you know, we first started with some hospitalizations with my son when he was three months old. My family and friends have an amazing support system of people. I learned so much from the ways that people helped us that I wanted to kind of share with others. I had no idea before, you know, becoming a mom, what to say or do when friends receive diagnoses for their children. And being on the other side of it, I wanted to share that knowledge with others. And because it can be so overwhelming, you know, obviously being a parent of a disabled child or a child with different needs, but also as a friend or someone slightly on the outside, being afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. trying to focus on the positives of positive examples, ways people can help, or what to say was really important for me to convey in my book.


Amy: Yeah. And you did a good job. And I think sometimes people, when they don't know what to say, sometimes they just don't say anything, which in some ways can be worse. I years ago, it's been several years ago, my sister died of cancer and I had all kinds of crazy things people said to me. I had helpful things, but I ran into a friend at Panera. I hadn't seen her in six months. She hadn't reached out to me at all. And she saw me and I'll never forget that she dropped her food tray and she said, my gosh, I didn't know what to say. So I didn't say anything. And I thought that was one of the most honest things anyone said to me because I understand that. Whether it's a death or a diagnosis, I think people just don't know what to say. So I'm grateful that you've given us this resource.

Megan: thank you. And I think that letting people know that it's OK to be vulnerable in saying they don't know what to say, but that you are on their mind is so important in creating that space to allow people to admit. when they don't know is so important. 

Amy: Yeah. Well, I want to get a little bit into the book. Sure. I want to start with chapter two because there was something in here that made me crack up, but I'll start with this. Be knowledgeable, not a know at all. Okay. So you say here, and I agree, trust your friend. So we're talking, this is written to people who don't have a child with a disability. So if you have a friend, a daughter-in-law, A granddaughter, or somebody who's got a child with a disability, trust that they know what's best for their child. You say here, and I agree with you, that we all of sudden have to become experts on everything. Whether it's medical, mental health, or invisible disability, it's overwhelming. As moms have kids with disabilities, it's so overwhelming. And I feel like there's a burden of advocacy on us. not just because, and I don't think people realize this, not only are we advocating at doctors and with social workers and with principals, you know, think people assume, all those people know everything too. No. So when we have to advocate to our friends, that just adds to the burden of what we are already trying. We say so many words about our child's diagnosis and what they need. And I thought it was really interesting. 

But I want to say just right here to our listeners that have kids with invisible disabilities, it's a, it's very challenging because most of the time it's behavioral and people are coming in. Why don't you just splint that kid or, you know, this was my kid. So yeah, it's, it's, it's with kids with visible and invisible disabilities. I remember my therapist saying, if someone asks you a question, say, if you want to know more, I'd be happy to sit down and talk to you. And so that kind of weeds out the people that don't want to know more. I like that. So what is some advice do you give in this chapter about how people can learn about your child's diagnosis or what they need without burdening the parent? 


Megan: Yes. So one of the best ways I think is that I mentioned in this chapter is to ask your friend if there's a specific website you can learn more information about or if They have a resource that they go to so they can educate themselves rather than putting the burden on. You know, can you explain to me everything you know about feeding tubes or can you explain? You know. I think that asking if they have recommendations for places that you can do the research. Even if it's just, would you mind just sending me that link to? You know, you were talking about there's a website that explains, has a video that explains stimming if the child's autistic. Can you just send me that video or something like that when you have a moment? That way you can educate yourself and you know that you're getting reputable information. I think that it's easy to see something online and think, this must apply to my friend's child, you know.

But I think sometimes just asking your friend, like, what sources do you recommend? That way you have the information that your friend thinks will best help without putting the burden on them specifically. For me, there was, I talk a lot about feeding tubes because my son, as I mentioned, is tube-fed and I had a couple, I had saved on my phone in favorites a website that unfortunately isn't around anymore, but it broke down what each type of feeding tube was and simple questions and answers. if someone, I had it ready to go on my phone if someone asked whether it was a new home care aid or a friend from college or something, I just sent them the link to say, there's more info. I think that people want to learn, but you know, as parents, we're often so busy explaining the specific syndrome to a new doctor or to, you know, the new morning shift during rounds of med students or, you know, I think having one or two resources as a parent in your back pocket, like literally on your phone is a helpful way. 


Amy: Right. That is a great idea because we've said all the words, we keep saying more words. We're tired of saying the words. You know, and I want to say to family members who listen to this, it's going to mean the world to your family member that has a child with a disability that you are doing that legwork. One thing that has just touched my heart. know, I have adopted kids that have reactive attachment disorder, and my co-author and co-podcast host, Sara Clime, she subscribes to something called Rad Advocates. And the reason she does is because she wants to understand my children's disabilities. so, I mean, I can tell her and but she knew like, I want to know more about it. 

And that has meant the world to me. So I think, I think that's a great, great recommendation. There's something, okay, I'm to read this because it made me laugh out loud because we all said this, you said, you talk a little bit. I'm going to paraphrase you just for a minute. Like scrolling through social media, getting stuff on Facebook or whatever may not necessarily fit the child's disability. And you said to put it more bluntly, “The girl who sat behind you in your high school English class who now sells essential oils does not know more about your friend's son's gastrointestinal system than your friend does.” I cracked up at that because we've all been in that situation where somebody's like, you know, and I think we talk a lot on the podcast. How do we handle those conversations with grace? But that's why I like this resource because you are telling the person on the other end. Assume that the person that has a child with a disability knows what they need to know. Right. Right. So I love that so much. OK. So I want to talk about you, about an extra set of hands, be an extra set of hands. And you had a lot of suggestions. But the first one, one of the ones in there was help with feeding tubes. And my first thought was now I am a nurse, but like I can hear someone going, but I'm not a nurse. Yeah. So how do we make this doable? I mean, I understand that people can bring a meal and that's great. I'll pick up prescriptions, but that more hands-on kind of task, how do we as parents of kids with disabilities make that more accessible and also not, you know, dissuade some of that fear that maybe somebody else has?


Megan: Sure. So I know that, for my, for family members especially. When JB first got his tube, his feeding tube, he was only six months old. And, you know, in addition to having this new infant, have, well, other kids don't have that button. It's it's a button and you have to say things like, plug him in and weird things that you're not used to. It was very intimidating for the family so from the beginning we wanted to make sure that the family felt somewhat comfortable around the feeding tube and how to help us with it and shout out to our family and friends, they've been amazing. And most did not have a medical background, I can't stress that enough. But I think that if someone is a friend or family member who wants to learn more about a feeding tube and how to help, just ask. Say, you know, can I kind of see what you're doing, if you don't mind, obviously respecting the child's privacy and not only autonomy as well? I'd love to be able to help. Can I just see what you're doing? Or can you explain it to me? I know I had created. We called it JB 101. it was a list of steps for specifically if family members at the time because he was around, were watching him so my husband and I could go out for dinner or something. A quick cheat sheet of what to do. was like step one, make sure this clamp is closed. Step two, push the button that says power on the machine, step three, and just bringing it down that way. And then as things change, just updating that document and having it and making sure that our family member always had that document. That way they knew as they were following us, they didn't have to take notes. They could just kind of watch and absorb because I know everyone learns in different ways. Learning somewhat, learn by doing.

And so I think that having that document that we could give to someone as well, so they knew they always had that. And that also helps as we have new babysitters or home health teams. But I think seeing, I was so not a medical person. I was not good with, yeah, that kind of stuff. yeah, blood, nope, none of that. And I went into writing. I didn't think I'd be going, you know? And I think...recognizing that for some people, there are some people who, from a sensory perspective or from like a queasy perspective, aren't going to do and acknowledging that, say, you know what, if you don't feel comfortable with this, there are lots of other ways you can help to meeting people where they are, right? If they're not able, you know, for sensory reasons or past trauma, whether you may not know. I know that past hospital trauma is a very real thing that a lot of people deal with. And so medical situations, they can't help out meeting them where they are for that. 

AMY: That is such a great piece of advice because I think we as parents can kind of get a little bit disgusted or discouraged. Like, why can't these people help me? Because I'm doing it and I wasn't a medical person. And then I think that puts up a wall. I also think being afraid to ask.

Can I help with the feeding tube or with the ventilator? You know, being too afraid. So it kind of like opens the gate a little bit of like, how can we help each other? And you don't like the feeding tube thing because it makes you nauseous. Great. Could you do this for me? So I just love that it's not all all or nothing, you know, and it's, and it's more, mean, a meal is helpful. None of us are ever going to turn down a meal, but I love that you give some really good outside the box kind of ways to think about helping. really do love that. 


So, okay, as I'm reading through this book, I was just thinking every single one of us has been in a point where someone says, I want to help. What do you need? And we just like, don't have one sentence out of our mouth, whether we're overwhelmed, whether we feel guilty to accept help, whether we've been burned in the past. So what would you say to that mom who's just, I don't know what to ask for Practically, how can we help come to the point where she has ready answers or you know what I'm saying? What do you say to that? Mom was like, I don't know what to say. I'm so overwhelmed. 


MEGAN: To start, I would say, trust me, I have been there. I still have days like that. I completely, I understand. I think that for me, it's often helpful to pause and think,What's one thing on my to -do list today that if it wasn't there would just make things a lot, make me feel a bit better? It wouldn't necessarily burden the other person. And, you know, I'm a people pleaser. don't want to burden someone else, but what would the easiest thing on this mental list I keep running in my head be to transfer to someone else? Sometimes that might be...

Are you going to be going to CVS? Can you just pick up more Pedialyte? I don't care what color, flavor, whatever, just a bottle next time you're there and bring it next time you see me. Or if it's, you know, do you have an Instacart order ready to go? Can I add something on it? for us, it's if we have specialists in Boston, which is about an hour and a half to two hour drive from where we're located, which is far in New England terms. We'll say, can you just let our dog out at noontime if you're going to be in the area, let him out in the yard and then let him back in and lock up. Things that the other person would already be out and doing that doesn't require another trip. And remembering that if people are saying they want to help, don't be afraid.to give them something if they're saying that. 

AMY: And I think you're right. You said you're a people pleaser, me too. And I never forget my friend saying to me, I wanted to help you, but you you couldn't tell me how. And it's not, if they're asking to help, you're going to know really quickly if the person that's asking for help gets all uncomfortable if you ask him to stop by CVS, that they didn't really mean it. You're going to like read that pretty soon, but we can't assume that.

Every person that says that to us is just saying it to be saying it. And I think we miss a lot of opportunities for small help. And I love your suggestion is what is the one thing? Because we know going to CVS is not just bopping out to CVS. You have to get in the car, it's a whole thing. And so sometimes we look at something small and go, well, that's not going to make a difference in my overwhelming life. But it will, because that's one less thing you have to do.


 Megan: I know that just as an example, last year our family had, we all came down with COVID and it was a very mild case. We've all been vaccinated and boosted and all that, but we were all down for the count with COVID and I was talking to someone from church over the phone about I do some publicity stuff for our church and the woman said, you know, we have a caregiver ministry where we'll bring over some like chicken pot pies or meat pies for you and just leave them on your doorstep. But we do this for our members. And I had no idea. And darn if that wasn't the most delicious frozen pot pie I've ever had in my life. And it was, I wouldn't have known to ask for that. But, you know, I just happened to be working with someone and from church and the church reached out and gosh, what an amazing gift that was that one night. And you realize how much of a difference those small, simple acts can be sometimes, you know? 

Amy: Have you thought, I've heard this from other moms tell me, especially medical moms, they're like, I'm always the one asking for help. Like I'm embarrassed to call my church or my friend againnbecause we're always on the prayer chain or the meal train or some kind of something. And we went through a period in our life where we were constantly on a meal train. So much to the point that my kids knew like they could rate the turkey noodle casserole. Like this one's  better than this one. like, remember like one of my younger kids, like when the nice person came to the door,

It's not turkey noodle casserole again? That's how often we were on the streamer being horrified at that. Anyway, we were thankful everyone out there, that was many years ago. what about that? I'm always asking, because I think either we don't ask or we ask it a lot and sometimes we get hurt. So what would you say to that? What are your advice do you have for that? 


Megan: Someone on Facebook a few weeks ago, they had a post that I  liked because I thought it was a great way of wording it. The person had been going through some health challenges and they post on Facebook. Thank you for everyone who has offered meals and such during this time. At this time, if you want to help in some way, honestly, your prayers are what we could use the most of and we will let you know if there's another way you can help.in the foreseeable future, but right now we're so overwhelmed without morning support. if you want to still help, here's how. was a great way of this person, you know, managing expectations and also being gracious, right. You know, but also kind of creating space for the person to heal themselves because they were going through this health crisis. 


Amy: So sometimes when you're on receiving meals or you're in the hospital and people are coming to bring you stuff. I'm going to tell visitors, it's okay just to drop it off and not chat because sometimes we want to talk. Sometimes you're like, I'm so overwhelmed by everything. just, don't want to see people. And that's okay too, as a parent of a child with a disability. And I think one of the good things now is with all the online meal train things, you can see what people are bringing. You can have it in every other night. You can say, our family doesn't eat this. I think that that's the way you won't get turkey noodle casserole five days in row. Not if we'll eat it to this day. 

Another thing I want to talk about, and I've thought about this as I was reading your book, have your friends say, what is one thing that would benefit you right now? A lot of times people, and I've done this myself, have these general bids to help with a caveat like, I wish I lived closer. If I wasn't seven states away, I would come over and clean your house. Okay. Now I mean that with all my heart, but like, I could still send a gift card to Pizza Hut, I just love some of those suggestions that you gave, like, cause I've said it myself and here I am a disability mom, like, I wish I lived closer. I wish I could come right now and do the things I want to do with you clean your house and be there for you. But I can't, but I should take it a step further. We all should take it. If we can take it a step further and think about what is the one thing that would benefit you. love that so much. So much. That's such a great, one of my favorite suggestions you have is the coffee order suggestion. Would you like to talk about that a little bit? 

Megan: Sure. So, one of the chapters in my book is entitled, the whole chapter four is you hold the power of food and drink. and I talk about how whenever you go visit someone or if you're thinking how can I help a friend who's going through a tough health time with their child or a challenging time, always think, could they benefit from a beverage? a hot beverage. Or cold or iced or caffeinated or not, whatever. But I use obviously coffee as the example, but it can be interchanged. Keep like a little note on your phone of your friend's go -to coffee order or tea or whatever. And that way, if you're swinging by or something, you can always just kind of, hey, you know what? I'm coming over with a coffee or I'm coming over with a latte or something. And if they live far away, every so often just send a gift card, e -gift card, care package, whatever, just to kind of show them you're thinking of them. So it's appreciated so so so much. After it didn't dawn on me writing this that after the book came out my friends would start asking me what my go -to coffee order was and that's not why I wrote this book. I think that you know having a friend's go -to coffee order or if there's someone who likes something new every time trying something different every time you know gift cards I think that's an easy quick but fun way to kind of help out.


Amy: I was thinking about that when I read that if I was out with a friend for the day, just for fun, and we were at a coffee shop together, I would already know her order and I would go, let me go grab your chai latte or your, whatever. But I think there's this idea when someone's in the hospital or we're going through a trying time that there's like the protective shield around the disability family. And so I love that suggestion because you can say, well, I already know what her order is. If I was with her out and about, know what she normally orders. I'm not going to ask permission. Yeah. You know what? Like there, you know what I mean? Like there's this wall like, Ooh, maybe I shouldn't come to the hospital. Ooh, maybe I shouldn't go over cause they're going through a rough time. But nobody,  even if you never drink that coffee, I say all the time to feel seen and that people are seeing you and caring for. I've told this, I think on the podcast before I went to see a friend several years ago, my husband flew me out. She lives in Arizona. I sat at her. breakfast table and she handed me a bagel and a cup of juice and I burst into tears. She's like, it's just a bagel. And I was like, I know, but nobody ever makes me anything. And I just remember that feeling of, have six kids and three with invisible disabilities. So of course no one makes me stuff, but the idea, and I think even here, like a coffee order is great, but what would make your friend feel seen? just a little loving attention.


Megan:  Definitely. And that they're seeing that I'm an individual with my own worth. My worth is not necessarily tied up only in caring for someone else. More than caregivers, definitely. Yes.

Amy: And I guarantee those you listening, anything you bring a mom of a kid with a disability, they're going to be thrilled. mean, I've said this before. You could literally make me jarred pasta sauce, slap it on some pasta. And because I didn't make it, I think it's gourmet. Okay. Well, you have a great chapter in your book about making things accessible and I loved the idea of having toys instead of snacks. That was a great idea. And that's probably specific to your situation with our kids that are easily stimulated and they couldn't always go to parties, but if they did, they needed to have a space where, or an adult that was kind of with them. So there's all kinds of ways that go beyond the wheelchair ramp. Yes.

One thing I say to moms when I mentor is the analogy of the wheelchair ramp. You may not need a literal wheelchair ramp, but for your child to enjoy the party, maybe his wheelchair ramp, there are toys instead of food. for my kids, it would be something different. So I'd love you to talk a little bit about some ways that friends and family members can make it more accessible for your child or a person's child with a disability.


Megan: Sure. So I love what you said about the idea of, what's your wheelchair ramp. I love that idea. we actually, this is top of my mind because we went this past weekend, to a local science museum, it was the Connecticut Science Center. It was the most accessible location we've been on forever for a day trip with our son. And it was a sensory friendly day. they had the exhibits, the loud exhibits were off limits for the day.They  had sounds, and flashing lights dimmed or lessened on others. And it clearly marked lines throughout the location, throughout the entire museum that explained what you could expect to kind of talk it through with your children beforehand. In addition, they had quiet rooms throughout the museum if your child needed a quiet, dark space to kind of decompress, if you needed kind of, you know, just a quiet area, those types of things. And they had a video you could watch beforehand  that did a walkthrough of the whole museum. So children who needed like a social story of what to expect beforehand. But what also I liked about that was it showed parents pushing a child in a wheelchair through the museum. So you could as a parent kind of mentally prepare. Okay, this is the accessible entry. And then we'll go that like kind of mentally preparing as a parent as well. And the exhibits all were very inclusive, whether your child was in a wheelchair or walking or, you know, if they were climbing, if they were more, if they needed more stimulation, all those things. And seeing exhibits like that, obviously that is, you know, a big museum. They can do these things that obviously someone can't do for a birthday party, but I think that it was a great example of focusing on lots of different possible disabilities or challenges that someone may encounter or have. And I think how parents, friends of parents of disabled children can kind of implement some of these into their own lives and situations is just talking with your friend beforehand about expectations, not expectations. Let me clarify.

Not expectations they have for your child. That is not, yeah. But expectations, like what you can expect at the event, whether it's, you know, we're having their birthday party at this petting zoo or mini golf course or, and I kind of wanted to run by you. Is there anything we can do to, do you need a quiet space for your child? Do you need? an area where you can do a tube feed. don't know the specific situation for each child, but kind of ask your friend, is there anything I can do to make your child feel more included, to make this easier on you and them, because we want them to come to the party if possible? Is there a particular food they can have that you want, Mom? Those GoGo Squeeze pouches are like a godsend for a lot of people. And at the same time, realize that not to take it personally if your friend doesn't come. Right. Even if you get everything prepared at the last minute, things happen, you know, I mean, I feel like all parents understand that, but maybe more so for parents also juggling medical or behavioral or mental health needs. Things might change at the last minute and you may not be able to attend. But don't take it personally if that's the case. Yeah.

Amy: That's really good., I think we just, and not curious, like nosy curious, but not voyeurism curious, but I think we just need to be curious. And as you were saying all that, I thought you could even, know we just said, don't get on the internet to give solutions, I think you could privately go on the internet and go, how could I make a birthday party accessible for a child with this? you don't have the parent of the child with a disability doesn't have to educate you on everything. Exactly. burden's not on them. And just showing that you, put some thought into it is it will go such a long way. mean, when we went to my friend's daughter's birthday party and they happen to have those little applesauce pouches, I almost broke down crying just because it was like something little that I hadn't thought to ask. And it was just like, my goodness, you've got my back. 

Amy: I think people get kind of freaked out. and think it has to be a lot of big things. Like we don't have, an actual wheelchair ramp or I think being a little bit curious is good. And totally even a little bit of accessibility to welcome the child goes a long way. 

Well we gotta wrap this up pretty soon because I could talk about this forever, but I, there's one other thing I want to talk about your book and that I thought this was a great chapter about how to share your big news. Now I want to say that I had a lot of infertility. So it took me a long time to get pregnant. You know, thank the Lord, I have three bio kids through fertility treatments. But I remember just that gut feeling of when people would either be weird around me because they were pregnant or they wouldn't tell me. And so I love that you included that chapter in the book. So I would love to hear just a quick personal. Don't be afraid to say your news. We  grieve milestones our kids don't have. Yeah. But I would love to hear your wisdom on that. 

Megan:How to share big news with your friend, whether it's you're pregnant or your child got accepted into their top college or anything in between on that, you know, realize first of all, read, read the room like kind of situation, you know.If your friend is for the 18th time that year fighting with the school to get services and she just told you, you know, the IEP meeting was a disaster and you have to hire an attorney and all these things, it may not be the time to say, you know, so -and got into Yale or, you know, like maybe wait, but at the same time,just kind of realize if you do have exciting news to share, your friend does want to celebrate. Say you're pregnant and you want to share this news. Don't feel like you are burdening them when you share, but realize that there may be radio silence for a while after, whether it's immediately after, or if your friend has to excuse himself for a moment or they don't get back to for a few days. It's just how, at least in my experience, how I process it. There's grieving that goes on. Not that I'm, like, I'll speak from my experience. If someone were to tell me, guess what, we're pregnant. Very excited, very happy for you, obviously. Wishing you nothing but the best, but at the same time, is that part of me thinking,

My plans for having a family were drastically altered because something we didn't know about beforehand and I always thought I was going to have two, maybe three kids.  There's a lot of grieving and also for events, baby showers can be the hardest., if I need to step away, if I need to step out, it's not that I'm not happy for you, it's not that I'm jealous, it's not that I'm bitter, it's I'm just trying to work through the grief in my head for my own things. I'm working on my own, it's a me problem, not a you problem. But like, just, give that space for grief and realize that your friend doesn't begrudge you or your happiness. They just kind of some time to kind of reevaluate their inner monologue. 


Amy: Yeah. And I think that's such a good word. I've found that with kids with attachment, they don't attach to me. So obviously when I see a friend whose daughter runs up and hugs her and, I don't want their child not to do that. It's just, there's so much grief in my experience.

that you have to recognize that in your friend with a disability. And also I would say, don't make it weird. Like I didn't want to tell you because ….. Don't make it weird. Just, you know, I think that's important too, because that makes us feel like we're in a weird spotlight when that happens too

. Megan: Yeah. Yeah. I think that I've been very fortunate. I've never, have friends and family who listening to this. It's done everything right over the years. I think just letting people know that sometimes I may come off as not happy or jealous of something, but it's just processing. 


Amy: I'm going to ask this real quick. Is there anything you said after you wrote it? I should have added that tip. Or do you feel like you covered it? 


Megan: I think that just encouraging people to know that it's okay to ask different questions. And if your parents ask for help, I think just kind of getting this conversation going and being honest and real about these discussions is the first step and a lot of times the hardest step. Amy:  And I would encourage our listeners to go get this book, show up and bring coffee and we'll put the links in the show notes. But I think it's okay to buy several copies and give them to your mother -in -law. And I don't think they'll be offended by that, honestly. Like this book.has really good suggestions because the people that care about you, I mean, I think, I think it's okay to buy it for people or suggest it to people. It's  not going to offend them. So it's just a great book. I appreciate you being with us today. Tell us where we can find you, where our listeners can find you. 


Megan:Sure. So the name of my blog where I write about my experience as a parent to J .B. is joyfulbraveawesome .com. And on the website when you go on joyfulbraveeawesome .com, you'll see info for the book right there. You can order the book on the website. It's available Amazon, it's available Barnes & Noble, bookshop .org, and hardcover and paperback editions. And you can follow me on social media, on Facebook and Instagram. I'm not brave enough yet for TikTok.

But you can visit me on Facebook and Instagram @JoyfulBraveAwesome. JBA are my son's initials. So that's kind of why I named my website that. And yeah, thank you so much for having me on this. I think it's such a gift that you and your colleagues have this podcast and are having these conversations. Like I said, the more we're open and honest about our experiences.


And I think we all learn more from each other as parents than we can learn sometimes from people who don't get it. So I think that this is a great resource. So thank you.


Amy:  Well, thank you. And we, know that our listeners will be very encouraged by this conversation. So thanks for coming today. thank you. Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode in our conversation with Megan. As we said earlier, we will put all her links in our show notes.


We would always love your feedback and would love to hear from you. So please find us on Instagram at Take Heart Special Moms, email us or leave us a comment on our website at takeheartspecialmoms .com. Thank you.