Take Heart

Searching For Gratitude In The Darkness

• Amy J Brown, Carrie Holt and Sara Clime • Season 1 • Episode 15

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Gratitude can be difficult while living in the darkness of our hard situations. Listen in today as Sara encourages us to rejoice in today and how gratitude comes because of the darkness.

November 17, 2020

Key Topics/Time Stamps:

  • 0:21:    Intro
  • 1:04:    Struggles
  • 3:31:    Powerful Light
  • 5:11:    Listening in Darkness
  • 6:19:    Rejoice 
  • 8:02:    A List
  • 8:52:    A Blessing
  • 9:38:    Outro

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Welcome to Take Heart, where our goal is to give you hope and offer insight and encouragement, so you can flourish in your journey as a Special Needs Mom. Each week Amy, Carrie, and Sara will explore a theme, share an inspiring story, a practical tip, and an encouraging blessing using our combined experience of over 30 years of parenting special needs children. Thank you for joining us today.

Hi, I'm Sara Clime and welcome. This month we are discussing gratitude. When we think of being grateful, we think of positive emotions right? I mean by definition, “Gratitude is the state of being grateful or thankful.” What would you think if I told you that I believe that gratitude is more profound when it begins in the negative space of ourselves? We've heard the saying that, “Darkness is not the absence of light, but the obstruction of light itself.” In other words, darkness doesn't mean that light doesn't exist. Darkness simply means that light is being obstructed or blocked by something else. I believe gratitude to be the same. When we are ungrateful, gratitude still exists. All that is good is still out in the universe. It's just being blocked by something else. It's up to us to figure out what that something else is and figure out a way to remove it or to work around it. We’ve all heard scriptures about gratitude, and I love and agree with every single one of them, but right after my son's diagnosis I didn't want to hear anything about gratitude. I didn't see the light. It was obstructed by other emotions. I was completely in the dark because of pain, grief, fear, anger, bitterness, yes, even jealousy.  I had just heard that my then seemingly healthy eight year old son had an incurable terminal disease, and he would most likely not live past his early to mid-20s. That was if we were lucky. Gratitude? No! We heard that his little body would break down little by little. Up until that point we hadn't even realized that it had already been breaking down since birth. Gratitude? Nope! We learned that he would eventually lose all ability to walk, sit up on his own, lift his own arms, eat unassisted, and that's if he could eat at all at that point other than through a feeding tube. He would lose his ability to talk and eventually, if he lived that long lose the ability to breathe on his own. Eventually his heart, being a muscle too, would just stop working. Gratitude? No, not then. 

So, you may be wondering when did the light return? When did gratitude start becoming a possibility again? Well, it was gradual, and even now if I'm to be completely honest there are moments when gratitude seems to ebb and flow in my heart. Right after diagnosis, gratitude didn't even seem to exist anymore. I can see now that being in that darkness, that state of being ungrateful, was exactly where I needed to be. It was normal. Dare I say it was even healthy? You know what, if you are in that place of ingratitude right now, it's okay. It's quite possibly where you are meant to be right now in your journey. It's so hard, though, right? Please remember that you may be in the darkness right now, but the light is out there. It's just hidden or blocked at the moment. I can say now that I am out of the darkness, well mostly. There are times when I inevitably return to the dark side. But I can say now that I appreciate the light. I am grateful for today because I spent that time in the dark. I now know how fortunate I am because I spent an unfortunate amount of time in sorrow. I can now say that I worked so extremely hard to get out of that darkness that I grasp onto the light now, and the gratitude, and the hope of today with everything I have in me. The light is just that powerful. 

So, would we appreciate the light as much as we do if we hadn't spent that time in the dark? The light wouldn't be so beautiful or feel as life-giving if we didn't really comprehend how ugly and life draining and lonely the darkness really can be. I believe that we aren't made to ignore the darkness.  It is a part of us. It is a part of our journey. We are to take it a step further. I think it would be careless and almost irresponsible to ignore the darkness. The point is to acknowledge it. Acknowledged the ingratitude. Lean into it. Feel it, but never lay down and accept it. Instead, be listening in the darkness. Listen in the times of thanklessness. Listen for those moments that you wouldn't otherwise hear in the light. Listen for those whispers of humor and listen for those creaks of community and camaraderie. Listen for the rustling of relationships that need brought into the light with you. 

When I hear the word gratitude, I often think of Psalm 118:24. I think it goes back to my elementary Sunday School concert days. It says, “This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.” That scripture is so profound in its simplicity that I believe it to be often overlooked. It does not say that this day is like yesterday or even like tomorrow. It just says this is the day. It doesn't say that today was created by mistake or by chance. It says this is the day that the Lord has made. It also doesn't promise that tonight the darkness won't return. It simply says that we have today, and for that, let's rejoice and be glad in it. Also, maybe one of you needs to hear today that being ungrateful, glad, or to rejoice in, through or during your circumstances -  it does not mean you are disloyal to your children, or what they are going through. Rejoicing in today and being glad for the day you have right now does not mean you're making light of your child’s or even your family’s situation. All it means is that you are making the most out of the situation. More importantly you are trusting God through it all, and that will inevitably reflect upon your children and their ability to handle their situation. It's a gift that you are giving to them, teaching them how to rejoice in the day. 

So all of that sounds good right, but how do you express gratitude in the darkness? Well, when I was in the dark, I started by writing down three things I was grateful for each day or three wins for the day. Like I’ve said on a previous podcast, some days it was gratitude for having coffee. That was it. It was coffee 1. 2. and 3. Sometimes it was just having a pen to write with, but I wrote it down. I also tried to end each thought verbal or non-verbal with a positive. I didn't realize it at the time, but what I was doing was retraining my brain. I was training it to focus on the good, focus on the here and now. I was rejoicing and being glad - in today - for it was what the Lord had made for me. 

I would like to leave you with a quote from speaker and author Steve Maraboli’s book Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and The Human Experience. He says, “It's funny how in the journey of life, even though we begin at different times and places our paths cross with others, so that we may share our love, compassion, observations and hope. This is a design of God that I appreciate and cherish.”  Friend, whether you were in the light or in the dark know that I am grateful for our paths crossing. And know that you are appreciated and oh so cherished. 

Thanks for joining us this week on Take Heart. Our prayer each week is for your heart to be encouraged. We are grateful that you are walking on this journey with us. Be sure to subscribe to our podcast on iTunes or wherever you listen to your podcasts, so you'll never miss a show. You can follow us on Instagram @Takeheartspecialmoms. If you have any questions or comments follow the links in our show notes, we would love to hear your story. Thanks for listening. We will see you next Tuesday when all three of us are together again to wrap up this month on gratitude.