Take Heart

Walking This Path With Peace & Joy

• Amy J Brown, Carrie Holt and Sara Clime • Season 1 • Episode 71

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Surrender is not easy, but it is essential to living a life of peace and joy as a special needs parent. In this episode, Amy shares some of her struggles and three important steps that will help you give up control and open your hands to God.

February 1, 2022; Ep. 71

Timestamps & Key Topics:

  • 0:00-    Intro
  • 1:21-    A Bad Word?
  • 3:06-    Notice The Gifts
  • 4:54-    False Narratives
  • 7:00-    Three Steps
  • 11:04-   Let Nothing Disturb You
  • 11:38-   Reflection Questions

Episode Links & Resources:

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Amy J. Brown  0:00 
Hey friends, welcome to another episode of Take Heart. Before we get started today, I wanted to remind you that if you are enjoying this podcast, we would love it if you would leave a review. This helps others find us. You can also find resources, show notes, and ways to connect with us at our website: takeheartspecialmoms.com.

(0:40 ) Welcome to Take Heart where our goal is to offer encouragement, give hope and insight, so you can flourish in your journey as a special needs mom. As we explore monthly themes, share inspiring stories and practical tips, our desire is to continue to serve you and new listeners. We want to thank you for joining us today. 

( 1:21)  Hi, this is Amy Brown, and thank you for joining us today on Take Heart. Years ago, my daughter Anna went to a birthday party. She was about four at the time, and when she came home, she was so excited to tell me this news. "Mom, my friend said the "d" word, the "s" word, and the other "s" word." Now my first thought was what kind of party was this? What's the other "s" word? She couldn't wait to repeat these words. These offending words: dumb, stupid, and stupider. Well, today we're going to talk about another "s" word surrender. I may say it in jest, but surrender is a hard word, and it does seem like a bad word sometimes, doesn't it? It's so difficult to surrender, and the word has negative connotations. It's often displayed in negative ways. No one wants to be the surrendering army, admitting defeat, or the team that loses and has to surrender the trophy. In our individualistic society, we are told that the winner takes all. Now I've had a lot of practice at learning to surrender over my twenty-nine years as a parent. As a mom of kids with reactive attachment disorder and fetal alcohol syndrome, there have been many times where they've been unable to regulate their behavior. They've been overstimulated, and they've acted out, and I've had to change my expectations about a lot of things. With all my practice, one would assume that I have the surrender thing down, not so much. Here is just one example I chose out of many. 

( 3:06)  Our family has been going to the same small vacation cabin in northern Michigan for twenty-six years. It is small, not very fancy. When the kids were little, the one tiny bathroom was not a big deal. Now that we're all adults, it can be a challenge. But we love this place so much, and we look forward to going every year. We have made so many wonderful memories there. As our kids get older, it's even harder for us all to be together. So in the summer of 2020, all my kids were going to be able to make it. I had one coming from Minnesota, one from LA, and one from Chicago. We were unsure if we could go because of the pandemic. We ended up being able to go, and we were so excited. While the vacation didn't turn out as I wanted. One child was waiting for a COVID test and the other was waiting for the result of her test. I also had a child in a residential treatment center. So it ended up just being a few of us on vacation while we waited for all these test results. I wish I could say that I was enjoying my vacation: calm and surrendered. I mean hello, I have absolutely no control over anything, specifically a global pandemic. But I was not. I spent the first half of the week obsessing over the circumstances, being sad that I was not having the family vacation that I expected. It took me to midweek to get a hold of myself and see the gifts in front of me. Yes, I was sad we weren't all together, but one of the blessings was I had two of my kids to myself. In a big family, that doesn't happen often, so we got a lot of time with these particular kids. I got to hear their hearts and experienced them in a way that I would not have if all of us had been there. I did not see that right away, and I had to surrender before I could notice the gifts in front of me. 

( 4:54)  So what is the point of all this, and how does this affect our life as special needs parents? There are many things in life that are not what we expected, and we're asked daily to surrender our own will, plans, and ideas for the sake of others. We often miss the gift and the beauty of the moments because we are gripping hard to control our lives. I understand that. We have so much on our plates as special needs moms. The definition of surrender is to give oneself up as unto the power of another, to submit or to yield. Now that may be a negative thing in the sports arena or on the battlefield, but in our daily lives as special needs moms, it is a vital necessity. Surrendering to God is how we walk this path with peace and joy. So for the next few minutes, let's talk about why it's so hard to surrender, and how we can yield our daily life to God. I think surrender is hard because we have false narratives about God. We take these false ideas and replace them with our own self-sufficiency. Here are some examples that you may be thinking, God will not provide, so I have to. God doesn't hear me, so I'm going to do this on my own, or God is absent, therefore, it's all up to me. If I surrender, something bad will happen. I can't ask for help. This is not what I expected, and therefore I have to work harder to make it right. If you're feeling any of these things, let me just say, I understand. I've had all these same thoughts about God on many occasions. These thoughts, though common, are false. These thoughts do not reflect the truth about God. We can surrender when we recognize God's faithfulness and goodness. He is good, and he loves us. We need to recognize our faulty ideas about God and replace them with the truth. So what false narratives do you have about God, or yourself, or your situation that you're nurturing? How can we replace these narratives with the truth? 

( 7:00)  Well, here's three steps. Number one, consent to his love, presence, and provision. Now, I know that sounds like a weird thing. Of course, we want to submit to this. Who wouldn't? But I can tell you from experience that I often forget or don't see God's love,  provision, and presence. My eyes are blinded to it. It's hard to see his goodness, when our eyes are blinded with our own self-sufficiency, stubborn pride, or looming problems, or tasks that we think only we can do or solve. But listen, every single aspect of our lives has the imprint of God's love, provision and faithfulness. It's just ridiculous to march out on our own strength, trying to do a job we're not equipped to do without his help. We need eyes to see. We need the scales wiped from our eyes so we can see his goodness and provision. Number two, remember his faithfulness. In the book, The Good and Beautiful God by James Brian Smith. By the way, if you need a good resource to help you think about and change your narratives about God, this is a phenomenal book. I will put the link in the show notes. But James Brian Smith says this, "When we join our story to God's story, the story in which our good and beautiful God gets the last word, then everything begins to make sense. The pain is real, but it becomes bearable. We can then in time move on, and we can see beyond the suffering and look towards God's widespread mercy that surrounds us. We can deliberately call to mind the joys of the journey." Surrender helps us to see the joys of the journey. Like my disappointing family vacation, I could not see the gifts in front of me until I surrendered my own control and preconceived ideas about what I thought was best. Psalm 136, is a Psalm of gratefulness for God's faithfulness. The first four verses go like this. "Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever. Give thanks to the God of gods. His love endures forever. Give thanks to the Lord of lords. His love endures forever. To him who alone does great wonders. His love endures forever. This goes on for 26 verses this phrase. His love endures forever is repeated over and over again, twenty-six times. Why is this so redundant? I think it's because we need reminding all the time that this is true. When you're struggling to surrender, can you speak this over your own life? Can you write your own Psalm? Can you name the times that he has been there with answered prayers? Or even the times he seemed far away and after each instance, can you repeat his love endures forever? Maybe your refrain can be: God provided? When we got the diagnosis, God provided. When we struggled with therapies and medicines, God provided. When the vacation, marriage, reunion, the friendship did not turn out like we expected, his love endured forever. You get the idea. Try it. Finally, raise the white flag, give your yes to God. Not the sad army of defeat, but a hopeful yes, that places the burdens in the capable loving hands of our father. My friend Kris Camealy has a wonderful book called Everything is Yours: How Giving God Your Whole Heart Changes Your Whole Life, and that too will be in the show notes. But this is her quote. "It is encouraging to see what God chooses to do in and through us when we say yes, when we come open and willing for whatever he has for us. A surrendered heart follows the Good Shepherd and when we are following in faith, the outcome doesn't matter." Friend, let me remind you, God will never leave us. He always provides. We can give him our surrendered yes because his love endures forever. 

(11:04)  This quote by Teresa Avia is one that I go to a lot. "Let nothing disturb you. Let nothing upset you. Everything changes. God alone is unchanging. With patience all things are possible. Whoever has God, lacks nothing. God alone is enough." As we end today, I want to ask you a few reflection questions and give some space for you to think about surrendering as a tool on this path with peace and joy as a special needs mom. 

(11:38)  What do you need to surrender? What feelings come up when I asked that question? Does something immediately come to mind, or did 100 excuses come to mind? Did you feel relief, or did anxiety and stress flood your heart and soul? What do you need to surrender? Can you name it? Can you let it go and turn to God? If you cannot name it, can you sit with Jesus and ask him about it?